Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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