Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
