He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
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