dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I need to stop coming to work sober
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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