I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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