I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
