Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
