We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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