The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
