as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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