I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize