Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
