I can tuck mytits in my pants
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
