seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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