i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
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