fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
