I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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