He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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