My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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