party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
