There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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