just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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