My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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