I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
We need to rekindle our bromance
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
