I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
