I can tuck mytits in my pants
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
