I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
