If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Randomize
