So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
