Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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