Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
