I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
