I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
