I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Randomize
