I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize