Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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