i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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