i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He shit in the fireplace
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
