So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
