$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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