Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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