Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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