You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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