There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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