I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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