Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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