my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
