just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
