Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
