Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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