your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
