If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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