grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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