Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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