We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
