Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
