worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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