why didn't you poke me back
dude i'm inner monologue high
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
