just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize