Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
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