this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
