My friends, they love my intelligence
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize