My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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