I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
We were destined to go to rehab together
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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