I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
