My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
