I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
