Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
