I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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